kristin has been a bad kristin
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
