We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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