so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
