what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
