Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
