I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
