you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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