She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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