I feel like abortions should bother me more
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
