I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
