Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
