I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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