You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
