he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
