you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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