And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He passed out mid-signature
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
