Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
