I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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