Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
