DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
