i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
