you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
