he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
