The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
