I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i think my cat just said my name.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
