Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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