Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
