Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
