1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
