dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
