I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
