i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
