True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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