She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
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she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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