He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
