so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize