Porn is love you can see.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
