im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
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She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
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