Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
