sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
