God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
