i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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