i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
