Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
