my room smells like sperm. sweet.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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