So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
