i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
