PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Pooping to opera.
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