Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
