Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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