i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
