I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
im holly from the hills drunk
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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