I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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