my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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