I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
