If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
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I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
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I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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