I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
