$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
